You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
