This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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