And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My nipple is on Facebook.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
