Heybabeimwearingurpanties
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
