Sponge bath it is.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
