Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
