Where did you get a picture of my penis
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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