she woke up with a sticky ear
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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