i don't like sucking hair
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
