I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
