oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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