Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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