Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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