I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
