HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
