I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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