i permit you to call me
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
