no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
