I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
