my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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