life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize