what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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