My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
3pm strippers are depressing
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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