Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
