Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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