So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dignity is for republicans.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
