I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
