she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
