i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
