Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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