I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Is it penis luge time yet?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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