I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
