the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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