i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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