got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
