I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
