If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
