Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
