her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
is wine microwaveable?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize