just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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