I want to have your abortion
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
