Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
