Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
