My sheets look like a crime scene.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize