In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
