You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
