sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize