Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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