omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
