fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Two words: blizzard sex
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
