The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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