Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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