Jerry, you need to find god
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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