Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
