Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
