Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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