So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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