Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
