Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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