I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
