had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize