He kissed a someone with a penis
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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