Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He felt like a one man threesome
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize