Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
