I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
